Boston Truth?

As I was browsing my Facebook page, an article about "Boston Truth" --- http://imgur.com/a/Nx8EU

I wept for the lives lost in the Boston Marathon Bombing. My heart is crushed to the horrible truth that many of the 180 injured would have to learn to walk again. Lives lost, lives change. And yes I am angry to the people who seem to enjoy hurting other people. Hate is never an answer. Terrorism is unjustifiable. And yes, its true, we should seek the TRUTH and punish the people responsible. But if their is a slightest truth to the above website's claim, then its sickening and unforgivable. To frame two innocent people for their self gratification? Then we are doomed. http://imgur.com/a/Nx8EU.

Beauty.

Taken today.

I am so fond of #Selfies :) I'm vain, i know. Most of the time i edit my photos at Picasa, Photo Studio:Editor, or Photoshop. Its been like this as long as i remember. You wouldn't see a picture of me in drag, unless it was taken by others and then was tagged at facebook. :) My point is that, nowadays, its difficult to love yourself the way you are because the society has set up unbelievable standards of beauty. Im a Filipina, and Filipinas are naturaly tan, but this past few years, there had been growth of all things that achieves whitening of skin. Lotions, soaps, Capsules and even intravenous injections of Gluthathione. While white people go to really painful lengths to darken  their skin, most filipinas are spending lots of money to whiten theirs. Talk about irony right? Maybe its just like that, we people are so hard to impress. We often want what we cant have. Even destroying who we are. 

Often we are our worst critics. But today i was enlightened. The picture above is taken a minute or so before. Its me without photoshop, picasa or photo editor. I have huge dark eyebags, pimples, uneven skin tone, big cheeks, large forehead, uneven lips but i love me. :) This is who i am and i am BEAUTIFUL :) I am short at 5ft and chubby at 128lbs, but atleast i get to eat what i want, when i want it and i am loved no matter what. From now on, i promise to be myself and improve myself, not because of what other people say but because i love Me :) 

Dilemma

Last night my brother and I were discussing about his desire to study here in Manila, specifically at the Philippine Science High School. But since the we are already late for the enrollment, i told him to just enroll at the DOST Pagadian City, in our province. I told him its the same quality school, near my parents and that anyway, no matter what school you graduated doesnt matter. What matters is your hunger for learning. Then he said something that really struck a nerve. He said, well, yeah. Since you graduated as a nurse and registered nurse for 5 yrs now but working in a lowly office for 3 years". that actually hurt. I've been avoiding this conversation with my family for too long. I felt like its demoralizing to me. It actually makes me feel depressed, inferior. Its a very painful subject to me. But then i realize, i need to explain myself. For my little brother to not be traumatized from my shortcomings and for me to finally face my demons. I told my brother, after graduating and getting my license to practice my nursing profession, i took a job as a contractual nurse for the government. I work in the province, especially in our Municipality and the Medical Center in our City.  Then after that i was lucky to get a teaching/ clinical instructor job for a local university. The pay is okey, but its hard because, i need to work for 24hrs in almost 7 days. After i got sick and some personal problems got in a way. I decided, i don't wanna go back to being a contractual nurse that only pays 3000 philippine peso. My brother is in 3rd year college at the time and my sister an incoming 1st year college. I decided, i need to now go abroad to seek for greener pastures. And so I went to Manila to look for an agency,  but i never want to settle for a Student Visa scheme, i want a working visa. To be able to help my parents and my siblings, i got a job in a government office. The work schedule is good, the pay is fine. Yet i never stopped looking. And like everyone else, a lot of opportunity comes by but i never had that moment when i said "Okey, this job is for me". my friends says i'm too choosy. That i should settle for the student visa schemes, but in my mind, why would I? I have the experience, the quality, why settle for a mediocre job abroad? I don't know, I guess I'm the problem. I lose sight of my dreams, my goals.

I've talked to my little brother about how life is not black and white. That oftentimes, no matter how much you planned and prayed that your life will take this road, it seems to have its mind of its own and push you away from your destination. Exactly five years since my graduation, i still feel stagnant and lost. I often find myself melancholy and depressed. I feel pressured all the time, i feel like what i have is not enough. I honestly don't know what to do with my life now, all i know is that i want to further help my parents and sibling finally and in their studies, I want to be the best for my family, but i seem to be always lacking. It has always been my dream to work overseas, who doesn't? with the promise of greener pastures. But as i get older, i feel like it is not for everybody. I am happier here. In my country, 1 and a half hrs away from my family. That's my dilemma.

Having said all of that, i feel like this is where i belong. But how can i stay here and work and be financially able without going overseas?  Is success really measured by how much you're earning??

The Beginning.

Welcome to my Mind. I've had a lot of blogs all over the net. I forgot their passwords and usernames and all that stuff. But I just cant stop blogging.I'm not expecting that people will read this someday. I'm making this blog for myself and towards myself only. I just want to someday be able to look back and reminisce my everyday thoughts. (Is that weird?) I'm blabbing now. Pweow! Bear with me :)) So anyway. Me, myself and I, once again, welcome to my Mind. (Redundant)