Dilemma

Last night my brother and I were discussing about his desire to study here in Manila, specifically at the Philippine Science High School. But since the we are already late for the enrollment, i told him to just enroll at the DOST Pagadian City, in our province. I told him its the same quality school, near my parents and that anyway, no matter what school you graduated doesnt matter. What matters is your hunger for learning. Then he said something that really struck a nerve. He said, well, yeah. Since you graduated as a nurse and registered nurse for 5 yrs now but working in a lowly office for 3 years". that actually hurt. I've been avoiding this conversation with my family for too long. I felt like its demoralizing to me. It actually makes me feel depressed, inferior. Its a very painful subject to me. But then i realize, i need to explain myself. For my little brother to not be traumatized from my shortcomings and for me to finally face my demons. I told my brother, after graduating and getting my license to practice my nursing profession, i took a job as a contractual nurse for the government. I work in the province, especially in our Municipality and the Medical Center in our City.  Then after that i was lucky to get a teaching/ clinical instructor job for a local university. The pay is okey, but its hard because, i need to work for 24hrs in almost 7 days. After i got sick and some personal problems got in a way. I decided, i don't wanna go back to being a contractual nurse that only pays 3000 philippine peso. My brother is in 3rd year college at the time and my sister an incoming 1st year college. I decided, i need to now go abroad to seek for greener pastures. And so I went to Manila to look for an agency,  but i never want to settle for a Student Visa scheme, i want a working visa. To be able to help my parents and my siblings, i got a job in a government office. The work schedule is good, the pay is fine. Yet i never stopped looking. And like everyone else, a lot of opportunity comes by but i never had that moment when i said "Okey, this job is for me". my friends says i'm too choosy. That i should settle for the student visa schemes, but in my mind, why would I? I have the experience, the quality, why settle for a mediocre job abroad? I don't know, I guess I'm the problem. I lose sight of my dreams, my goals.

I've talked to my little brother about how life is not black and white. That oftentimes, no matter how much you planned and prayed that your life will take this road, it seems to have its mind of its own and push you away from your destination. Exactly five years since my graduation, i still feel stagnant and lost. I often find myself melancholy and depressed. I feel pressured all the time, i feel like what i have is not enough. I honestly don't know what to do with my life now, all i know is that i want to further help my parents and sibling finally and in their studies, I want to be the best for my family, but i seem to be always lacking. It has always been my dream to work overseas, who doesn't? with the promise of greener pastures. But as i get older, i feel like it is not for everybody. I am happier here. In my country, 1 and a half hrs away from my family. That's my dilemma.

Having said all of that, i feel like this is where i belong. But how can i stay here and work and be financially able without going overseas?  Is success really measured by how much you're earning??